lifelines
by closingdoors
Summary: Post 5x15 and pre 5x16. Because I can't imagine him jetting off to another country without her trying to comfort him. "If a lifeline is what he needs, then a lifeline she shall be." COMPLETE.


**Disclaimer: Guys I honestly wouldn't be writing fanfiction if I owned Castle. **

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He clutches her like a lifeline, as though she's the only thing keeping him grounded. She doesn't think she'd be so surprised if that were true, and normally she would be afraid of that kind of devotion, that level of need. Yet this man fills her heart with so much love that she cannot breathe from the weight of it, and she doesn't mind at all. If a lifeline is what he needs, then a lifeline she shall be.

His hands are hot and heavy on her skin, almost clumsy in their movements as his thumbs brush across her hardened nipples, as though he's forgotten how they fit together. It crushes her inside to see such a change in him, to see how utterly useless she's been rendered. But she doesn't hold it against him. She understands. Though she wishes she didn't need to understand at all. She wishes that they could go back to how they were before, smiles and laughter on the tail end of love.

So Kate halts his clumsy hands, ignoring his confused look, instead flips them over on the bed. Straddles him in one fluid movement, pinning his hands above his head. Because she knows how they fit together, how always have. He looks appropriately shocked and aroused. Yet- hidden underneath it is just the level of sadness she wishes that she could exhume. The sadness that she knows she cannot free him of. She can only try.

"Kate." It's a ghost of a whisper, but it's enough.

"Shh." She leans down and brushes her lips against his softly. "Let me do the work, okay?"

Castle nods uneasily, but she ignores his hesitation.

There is a time for words and tears and aching hearts.

That time is not now.

Without preamble, she grasps him firmly and slowly sinks down onto him, leaning forwards to swallow his gasp with the heat of her mouth. His hands settle on her hips and she stays still for one quiet moment, simply breathing him in and the ecstasy feeling of him filling her completely. This- This is what she can give him.

His hands flex slightly on her hips and she assumes it's a sign to show her he's over the sudden wave of emotion he had succumbed to. So gently, she doesn't think she's ever been so gentle in her life, she begins to move over him. Hips rolling slowly in a unique rhythm they've built together.

She twines their hands together on the bed, palms kissing, as she moves. Her eyes stay trained on him but his own are closed, and if it weren't for his evident arousal she'd be certain that he doesn't want to be anywhere near her. Kate's not stupid, she knows that he isn't in this for the pleasure. If he were, he would've made her hasten her pace by now. No, he's here for the distraction, for the comfort only her willing body can give. She loves him too much to refuse him of this one request.

The only sounds to be heard in the room is that of her stuttered breaths and the sound of the rustling sheets, so unlike his usual whispers of his love for her. Pleasure-filled moans. Ridiculous laughter.

Her hips begin to roll in a more demanding pace now, moving above him determinedly As thew warmth pools low in her stomach. She will make him forget. Just for a moment, she wants to make him forget.

Castle groans at her change of pace, hands flexing slightly beneath hers before he pushes up, sitting so that she's in his lap. The change of angle drives him deeper within her and she gasps, hands wrapping around his neck and teeth skimming his shoulder. She feels him tremble beneath her touch, arms wrapping around her and tugging on her as though she could possibly get any closer.

She rides him faster now, knowing they have limited time to spare anyway, knowing that he's leaving all too soon. So she tightens the grip of her legs around his hips and lifts higher, almost pulling off of him completely before she slams back down the length of him again, whimpering at the feel of him throbbing inside of her. This won't last much longer.

His fingers dig into her hips and she continues her torturous movements for just a while longer, their naked skin brushing together, until his breathing grows shallow and his hips begin to jerk up instinctively. One of his hands wraps itself in her hair as he buries his face into her shoulder, teeth nipping down and she knows without a doubt that he'll leave a mark.

"Kate." He pants, and then she slams down one last time.

He falls apart beneath her touch, groaning and trembling and she simply holds him close, riding out the waves with him as constellations burn behind her eyes. Three words on the tip of her tongue as she falls into the abyss of pleasure with him. She only manages to moan his name, low and rather grief-stricken.

Once the waves of pleasure fade away she feels him withdraw from her completely, both physically and mentally. She sighs at the loss of contact but does not judge him for it. She expects no less.

She lifts from him and moves away, flushed and heavy with a burden she doesn't understand, isolated from his heart for the first time since she'd ever met him.

Castle doesn't look at her, instead stands from the bed and gathers his clothes, pulling them on with his back turned to her. She watches him with a thousand words dancing on the tip of her tongue. Not one of them makes it out.

He grabs his already packed bag from the floor beside his wardrobe. Lifts it silently and doesn't justify it with any of his miraculous words. It makes her heart clench tightly in her chest and she rubs a hand across her chest in some strange misguided attempt to soothe the feeling. It doesn't work. She hadn't expected it to, anyway.

No. She will not make this about her.

Before he reaches the door, she finds her voice again. "Castle?"

He stops. Doesn't turn to her, but it's enough.

"Promise me you'll try your best to come home safe."

His figure swallows all the light filtering through the hallway, hunched and carrying the weight of the world.

"I love you, Kate." He says. "But I won't make you promises I cannot keep."

He leaves her, then, for the plane that will take him across seas and to his daughter. Leaves her isolated and alone and utterly useless, frightened to death about whether he'll make it home alive. Whether he'll want to come home at all. Or even if, once he does come home, that he comes back half the man he used to be. Not this shell. Not this empty body that once harboured life.

That he comes back as the man she loves is all her splintered heart can wish for.


End file.
